Once more from the bowels of snark and spite GigersALIEN stalks forth, this time in reaction to the recent unveiling of the Sony PSP Go at the 2009 E3 convention. What follows is a vicious snapping of jaws at the audacity of Sony allegedly trying to pull the wool over consumer’s eyes.
The PSP Go! Woohoo. Sony’s new revision of the PSP was shown at this year’s E3 for all to go ga-ga over.
Thunderous applause.
Nerds’ hearts skipped a beat.
iPhone lovers drooled.
$250 dollars.
I puked.
This stupid device will retail for 250 bucks later this year. I say stupid because it’s a rip-off. And Sony is insulting us by attempting to sell it. The PSP Go is Sony’s attempt to steal market share from the iPod crowd. It looks like an Mylo 2, another Sony PDA device, that slides in half to reveal the keyboard. But on the PSP Go it slides to reveal the control buttons. It’s smaller then the current PSP 3000 models, it’s lighter, has a smaller screen, and no UMD drive…yes…no UMD drive.
The only way to play games on the PSP Go is to download them from the Sony PSN online store. All those UMD games you have, screw ‘em, they can’t be played on the Go. God I hate that name. It assumes this new PSP is a real portable unlike the PSP 3000’s. What a load of bullshit. Stupid marketing! Sony loves you…r money.
Sure, there are people out there that masturbate to small electronic shiny things. And yeah, the PSP Go isn’t exactly ugly. But when all the lights and sparkly things on the show floor went away, the real keeper of the device specifications popped its head out from its happy hole, collapsed under weak legs and cracked its head open to reveal what was really inside.
The innards of the PSP Go are the same as what is in the current PSP models! This isn’t new technology. The PSP Go is made up of four year old tech from the current PSP and from other electronic devices all thrown together and sold at a premium price point. The “new” screen is smaller than the current PSP model on store shelves and is reportedly lifted off of a GPS device. The casing of the PSP Go is a modified casing from Sony’s own Mylo 2. The rest of its internal chips are from the PSP 3000. The Go isn’t a new system, it’s an four year old system rearranged to look like a new one!
Woohoo!
And if that’s not enough, it’s lacking the UMD drive…that thing that plays disc based games is now gone to make this “new” device seem like an iPod…that doesn’t have a touch screen.
The UMD disc drive cost Sony a lot of money to manufacture and is now missing, so that means the cost of the PSP Go should be cheaper than the 170 dollars that the PSP with a UMD drive costs, right? WRONG. Sony I hate you. You remove features and expect us to pay more for it. Oh, but now you’re thinking that, since there is no UMD drive, battery life will be longer. There won’t be much power needed to turn the gears! WRONG again. In trying to keep this Mylo…er PSP Go smaller they made and all “new“, battery to go with it. So, now, the battery life is the fucking same as the fucking PSP 3000! Woohoo. This is just awesome news isn’t it? Sony must think their consumers are retarded monkeys. Wait…they do!
Sony’s own head of Euopean torture devices, Andrew House, had this to say about the PSP Go’s 250 dollar price tag:
“When you introduce a new piece of hardware you have the opportunity to say there is a certain premium that is associated with it, and we took that into account.”
Joy, they’re selling the Go for more money than it’s worth because it looks “new”.
Woohoo.
Sony, you suck. I hate and love you. I love my PSP and what it provides for me. But at the same time I hate the arrogance of the people that sell it. Sony, I’m afraid that you’re just not all that and a bag of fish and chips.
Let’s break it down in the most simplest of terms. The PSP Go has less stuff than the PSP 3000 and is selling for near twice as much. If anyone wants to see all the tech specs they can look for it themselves online because I’m getting angry over this topic and I don’t feel like fucking taking the time to list every stupid feature. Suffice to say, the current PSP 3000 model can do everything the PSP Go can do and more and costs less.
Not only that…no…not only that. Believe it or not, there’s more Sony bullshit waiting for you. All those accessories you bought for your PSP 3000 are totally incompatible with the PSP Go. All those cables, batteries, chargers and condoms are beneath the Go’s stature. Sony not only wants you to spend more of your money on a useless device, they want you to spend more on “new” stuff to go with it. Woohoo, I love spending money on things I never knew I needed!
Oh, and the battery in the PSP Go is internal. The only way to replace it is to mail it Sony for repairs.
Well, fuck a duck.
PSP Go…to hell.
With that, GigersALIEN lumbers back into its cavern of horror. Regardless of being for the new iteration of the PSP or against its price and physical UMD redundancy, these are interesting times for gamers. But then again, they always are. Stay tuned for more snarling from the silicon-based lifeform.
I know somebody who will buy one just to have another toy (that he’ll never play).
At the same time, I will hate the arrogance of the people that buy it, Mr Alien.
Oh I will hate those little buggers too. Sometimes shiny things are fun but at this ridiculous cost I want to tear the last strands of what’s left of my hair. These idiots are going to proclaim their toy is better then my toy with pride! Pride that they spent more money then me for a inferior product just because it looks neat!